Why New Year’s Resolutions Get It Wrong (and What Actually Works)

Every January, we collectively turn the page and announce ambitious plans for self-improvement. “This is the year I’ll finally… exercise daily, stop procrastinating, be calmer, be better”.

And yet, by February, many of these resolutions have quietly dissolved, often replaced by guilt, frustration, or a sense of personal failure.

From a mental health and positive psychology perspective, the problem isn’t motivation or willpower. The problem is that New Year’s resolutions often misunderstand how change actually works.

The Hidden Flaw in Lofty Goal-Setting

Traditional resolutions tend to focus on outcomes rather than process: run a marathon, be less anxious, be more productive. While these goals may be well intentioned, they’re often too large, too abstract, and too disconnected from daily life.

When goals are overly ambitious, they can unintentionally set people up for failure. Each missed workout or imperfect day becomes “evidence” that change isn’t possible, reinforcing shame rather than growth.

Positive psychology reminds us that sustainable change is built on self-compassion, strengths, and realistic progress, not self-criticism. Flourishing doesn’t come from demanding perfection; it comes from creating environments and habits that support who we already are.

What Atomic Habits Gets Right About Change

James Clear’s book Atomic Habits offers a framework that aligns beautifully with both behavioral science and therapeutic work. The core idea is simple but powerful: small changes, repeated consistently, lead to remarkable results.

Rather than asking “What do I want to achieve?”, Clear encourages us to ask:

• “Who do I want to become?”

• “What tiny behaviors would support that identity?”

For example:

• Instead of “I want to work out every day,” try “I am someone who moves my body regularly.”

• Instead of “I want to be less anxious,” try “I am someone who practices calming skills when I feel overwhelmed.”

This shift removes pressure and builds identity-based change, which is far more durable.

Clear also emphasizes:

• Make habits obvious (design your environment for success)

• Make them small (two minutes counts)

• Make them satisfying (reinforce success immediately)

From a therapeutic lens, this approach reduces all-or-nothing thinking and increases self-efficacy—two critical ingredients for mental well-being.

Why Small Wins Matter More Than Big Declarations

Positive psychology research consistently shows that noticing progress, even micro-progress, boosts motivation, resilience, and hope. Small wins tell our nervous system: “I can do this”.

When we dismiss small steps as “not enough”, we miss the opportunity to reinforce growth. But when we celebrate them, we strengthen neural pathways associated with reward and persistence.

Examples of small wins worth celebrating:

• Choosing rest when you noticed burnout

• Eating one balanced meal on a hard day

• Pausing before reacting emotionally

• Showing up imperfectly instead of not at all

These moments matter. They are evidence of change already happening.

Appreciating Before Changing

One of the most overlooked parts of behavior change is understanding why a habit exists in the first place. From a therapeutic standpoint, most behaviors, especially the ones we want to change, once served a purpose.

Before jumping into change, it can be powerful to ask:

• What has this habit helped me survive or cope with?

• What need was it meeting at the time?

• What might it still be protecting me from?

Appreciation doesn’t mean staying stuck; it means changing with respect rather than force. When we acknowledge the wisdom behind our current patterns, we create space for gentler, more sustainable change.

A Different Kind of New Year

This year, instead of making resolutions that feel heavy or pressure-filled, it might help to approach change with a little more curiosity. Rather than fixating on big end goals, focus on the systems and rhythms of your daily life that support you. Aim for showing up consistently instead of doing things perfectly and give yourself credit for the effort you’re putting in, not just the outcome. It’s also worth honoring the version of you that got you to this point—the habits you’ve developed likely served a purpose along the way. Real change doesn’t usually come from a dramatic reinvention; more often, it starts by noticing what’s already working and gently building from there, one small habit at a time.

From the cypress team, we wish you a peaceful holiday season.

 If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, reach out for help today. At Cypress Wellness Collective, we can help. Cypress Wellness Collective is located in the San Francisco Bay Area where they specialize in therapy, nutrition counseling, and KAP for teens, adults, and families going through mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. They offer in person and virtual appointments throughout all of California. Call today for your free consultation to see if Cypress Wellness Collective is right for you!

References

• Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery.

• Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being. Free Press.

• Fredrickson, B. L. (2009). Positivity. Crown.

• Baumeister, R. F., & Tierney, J. (2011). Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. Penguin Press.