Are you more like Taylor Swift or Beyoncé? Social Comparison is a Part of our Everyday Experience—Should it be?
Social comparison theory posits that people evaluate their self-worth through the lens of comparison to others. The psychological theory was first suggested by Leon Festinger in 1954 and has since been studied by many psychologists and researchers over the decades (Powdthavee, 2014). Why do humans compare so much with one another, and is the result of this comparison adaptive? Social comparison theory postulates that people evaluate their actions, attributes, and opinions in contrast to those of other people, and that this offers immeasurable value for one’s self-evaluation.In the digital age, social comparison has taken on a greater form through the realm of social media apps, and often gets a bad rep. Social media provides a platform to showcase one’s life to the world and to build connection through those experiences. However, it also ensures constant exposure to carefully curated reels of others’ lives, and inevitable social comparison. People used to only know others in their local communities or tribes. Now it's a common occurrence to follow celebrities and know all about their lives, at least theoretically. It's a modern phenomena to "know" so many people on this planet. Historically, there may have only been a handful of known quarterbacks in the community, each with their own strengths and accomplishments. What was once relegated to small hometowns has now become a global shared experience. Not only does one have the quarterbacks in their hometown and rival high school, but they also have all the quarterbacks in the rest of the world, especially the top performers. This comparison can quickly lead to feelings of inadequacy and lower self-esteem because of the “Big-fish-little-pond” effect.“Big-fish-little-pond” is a concept well known among academic settings and can be applied across various situations. As the theory goes, students in high-achieving schools tend to compare themselves with their peers and consider themselves less capable, while equally performing students in lower-achieving schools tend to express higher confidence in their capabilities (Fang, 2018). Social comparison is an important factor at play here. Prior to the age of social media, people compared themselves to others but on a much smaller scale—think small pond. Now people are in a big pond and can compare themselves endlessly to others on a plethora of various qualities, achievements, values, etc. It’s a never-ending big pond that undoubtedly leads to increased feelings of inadequacy and incapability. This constant social comparison can contribute to mental health challenges, such as anxiety, depression, low-self-esteem, and identity confusion.While social comparison has been well-documented to have negative implications on mental health, it is a common psychological experience for all humans that’s not necessarily a bad thing. People compare to understand how to function and communicate in social situations and to shape our internal moral code. Take, for example, going to a new country and learning the social norms around greeting one another. Do people use a handshake, a kiss on the cheek, a bow, or something else? From infancy, we begin to learn about ourselves, others, and the world through modeling. So much learning and human development can happen through social comparison.
With social comparison, we tend to make upward and downward comparisons. An upward comparison is when we compare to another who we perceive as better than us in some way. A downward comparison is the opposite: comparing to another who we perceive as less than in some way. Both types of comparisons have strengths and weakness. Naturally, making upward comparison often indicates that we long for the thing the other has. This either tends to make us feel jealous or inspired and motivated. On the contrary, making a downward comparison, comparing to another who you perceive as less than on a given trait or ability, can leave us feeling grateful, confident, or scorn.
Consider this example: You’re walking up to soccer tryouts and see the others missing the shots at the goal. This might actually boost confidence, decrease performance anxiety, and allow for you to perform better on the field. Social comparison can be used to make internal evaluations on how one measures up, and this is typically related to the values one holds. You wouldn’t necessarily compare your fly fishing ability to another’s if you cared nothing about fly fishing, but you might compare to other soccer athletes.
So given social comparison is a natural part of our human experience, let’s embrace it. Here are some tips to support a healthy relationship with comparison:
Be aware of your triggers and take action to work through what’s upsetting or avoid unhelpful circumstances. Do you have a toxic friend who puts you down? Perhaps it’s time to practice boundary setting? Remember that insecurities are ubiquitous.
Limit time on social media, unfollow accounts that cause you to feel worse after viewing, and follow accounts that support your mental health.
Avoid comparing others’ ‘outsides’ to your ‘insides’. Remember that everyone is facing their own struggles, and our shared humanity brings us together more than it drives us apart. You can’t truly know what’s going on behind closed doors of another, so try to maintain perspective around your own life in comparison to others.
Practice gratitude every day. Start with things outside of yourself if this is difficult, and gradually move towards intrinsic qualities you possess, from the sun and the moon, to family and friends, to your courage and loving nature.
Use comparison as motivation. Comparison can be inspiring and supportive when it’s used as a catalyst for connection, growth, and personal development. When you find yourself feeling jealous of another, try to get to know them on a personal level. Connection can be the antidote to unhelpful negative comparisons.
Focus on your abilities and strengths and celebrate others’ accomplishments too. We’re all expanding and growing together in this messy, wonderful world of ours. The more we invite in our shared humanity through strengths and struggles, the more we all benefit.
Social comparison can be healthy and valuable, and it can become harmful if over-emphasized, one-sided, or rigid. A consideration for healthy social comparison is to balance both upward and downward comparisons. Perhaps you’re not the most talented mathlete, but you are an exceptional creative writer. Or you’re socially anxious at parties, but you can perform slam poetry in a dark bar full of strangers. Whatever your strengths and abilities are, notice them, and honor those of others. We’re not all meant to be the same and we’re definitely not meant to be good at everything. In a world of big ponds, it’s important to maintain perspective, learn from others, and find balance in our self-evaluations. Resource Share: Check out this Podcast episode to learn more: No Stupid Questions Podcasts: (Ep. 13 Rebroadcast) with AngleaDuckworth and Steven Dubner "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -
Eleanor Rosevelt.
Written by Erika Bent, LPCC, LMFT, CEDS-S
November 1, 2023
References:
Buunk, A. P., and Gibbons, F. X. (2007). Social comparison: the end of a theory and the emergence of a field. Organ. Behav. Hum. Decis. Process. 102, 3–21. doi: 10.1016/j.obhdp.2006.09.007
Buunk, B. P., Collins, R. L., Taylor, S. E., Van Yperen, N. W., and Dakof, G. A. (1990). The affective consequences of social comparison: either direction has its ups and downs. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 59, 1238–1249. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.59.6.1238
Fang, J. et. al (2018). The Big-Fish-Little-Pond Effect on Academic Self-Concept: A Meta-Analysis. Front Psychol. 2018; 9: 1569. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01569
Powdthavee, N. (2014). Social Comparison Theory. In: Michalos, A.C. (eds) Encyclopedia of Quality of Life and Well-Being Research. Springer, Dordrecht. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-007-0753-5_2740